Unpredictable

If there is one thing I have learned during this experience it is that cancer is an unpredictable son of a biscuit!  You never know what it will bring you. Low counts, sicknesses, delay after delay, diarrhea,vomiting and etc. The list goes on and on. So far we have been through 2 phases of her treatment. What should have taken us 3 months has so far taken us 4 months. We haven't even reached the 3 years from here is the end of treatment mark. Guh more than 3 years left you ask? Yes, at least 3 more years. 

~Little cowgirl~

On Saturday we were invited to a fundraiser event for Hope Kids. They are an organization that provide events and activities for children and their family with cancer or other life threatening diseases. When I first signed up with them, the director Bridget called and asked if Bella could do this fundraiser. She said she would be the perfect model for this. B. Belle Couture made her her very own dress and named it Bella. I was a little worried about the timing and her ANC but it all worked out in our favor and we were able to go.

{Bella Dress}

We all had a ton of fun, even Bella. This is the 1st time she has been out in public for a long time. And of course we bought some things too. Bella got a bumble bee costume and Gabbi got a matching Bella dress as well as a Flapper outfit.

~Little monsters~

This week we visited the clinic on Monday. She got her last dose of vincristine for this phase and had a count check. Counts were low but no transfusions were needed.

~Chemo time~

 Then we discussed the game plan for the what IF's. IF the test comes back positive? IF she will need a bone marrow transplant? I hope that we never have to travel down this road. Not only is it rougher and bumpier, it also ensures that she will NEVER be able to have children. Not that there is any guarantee now because of all the chemo she is getting, but there is still a chance that she can IF she wanted too. With a bone marrow transplant, she has no option. IF the test comes back positive we will continue on the road map we are currently on. Possibly test Gabbi to see if she is a match because there is a 1 in 4 chance that she is. Then after the next 8 week phase we will re-test. IF after the next phase it is still positive then BMT is next on the horizon. But hey this test is gonna come back negative RIGHT?!

After the clinic visit we got visit miss Reece.  Bella loved playing. Even if she did have to wear a mask the whole time.

~Bella & Reece~

We were originally scheduled to go back on Friday but Bella took a few hard falls on her head this week so we moved up the appointment to Thursday. Counts were close to the same as Monday. ANC is still super low at 60 so we will be doing nothing again this weekend.  Bone marrow aspiration has been pushed back until her counts come up. We are hoping by Thursday her counts will be high enough for the BMA. Unfortunately there isn't much of a protocol for kids with a positive MRD. Since only 2% of children diagnosed with A.L.L have a positive one, we kind of have to wing her treatment. Yes, she is still getting the necessary chemo but when to actually do these tests are up in the air. We decided since last time her counts had not recovered at all that this time we would wait for them to recover fully. This sucks because now we have to wait some more to know if, yes you guessed it, she is FINALLY IN REMISSION. 

~Cheese~

As the time nears closer for her next bone marrow aspiration I can't help but get antsy, nervous and afraid for the outcome. I find myself praying to God asking Him to please, please heal her. Let her be in remission. I find myself begging Him, pleading with Him and challenging Him. Yet I know no matter what I say can change what He has planned for her. I just hope in His plan He heals Bella, puts her in remission, and gets this show on the road. If God wanted me to learn to be patient couldn't He have chosen a better way? A way that didn't involve the possibility of my child dying? I try really hard not to dwell on this fact. She will make it. She has to make it. That is what I tell myself anyways. Keep thinking positive thoughts. Only positive thoughts. 

~My whole life~

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." ~Joshua 1:9