Be aware, cancer aware!

~Getting ready for dance, days b4 diagnosis~

Did you know that childhood cancer is the number 1 child killer in America? Every year over 12,000 kids are diagnosed with cancer. That's 46 kids a day. Out of those, 7 will die everyday. So many children go misdiagnosed for months. Bella included. It's a good thing Bella's leukemia wasn't as aggressive as some or she wouldn't be here today. Do you know the signs? I know you sit here reading this thinking it will never happen to me so I don't need to know. And most of you would be right but I didn't think I would ever be here either and look where I am today. The sad thing is when I was young I used to read books by Lurlene McDaniel. She wrote about the likes of cancer and as I got older I started reading Jodi Picoult. I'm sure many of you are aware of the book my sisters keeper where the girl has leukemia. APL to be specific. Anyways, my point being is I thought I knew the signs, but I didn't know enough of them. If I did, Bella would have been diagnosed weeks before she actually was. For months Bella had been having unexplained fevers. Every time I would take her to the doctor they would just write it off as a virus and just tell me kids get fevers sometimes. It's a normal part of childhood.  I didn't think this was right but I wasn't gonna speak up against the doctor, they are supposed to know what they are talking about. What did I know? I don't have a medical degree. But I do know my child and I just knew deep down something was not right. 

~Hours before diagnosis~

June 1st. Bella was at a girlfriends house jumping on a trampoline. Suddenly she started screaming in pain. I just figured she fell. I didn't see her do it but maybe I missed it. She wouldn't walk after that. I took the girls home, gave them naps and decided I would assess her when she woke up. She still wasn't walking so I decided to take her to the doctor. Our pediatrician was already closed so I decided to take her to Phoenix children's urgent care. Luckily Leo was on his way home and was able to meet me there. There was no wait and we got right in. The doc said he wanted to do an X-ray but thought it was probably a toddler fracture. They are common in young children who jump on trampolines or bounce houses. If it was a toddler fracture she wouldn't be able to walk for about 6 weeks. Great I thought,just what I needed, 2 babies who can't walk. Gabbi was only 9 months at the time and hadn't started walking yet. Nothing showed up on the X-ray but apparently that is very common as well. You usually can't see the fracture till the scar tissue has started to form. If she started walking on it on her own then it probably was just a sprain and to let her do what she wanted as children are very good as telling you when it hurts and won't do something if it causes them pain. Well sometime the next day she started walking on it again with a slight limp. Roughly 3 days later the limp dispersed. Come a week later when the same thing happened, she was jumping, she hurt her other leg and  started crying. At this point I just figured she was gonna be a kid who wasn't able to jump on trampolines. It only took a few hours this time to start walking again with a limp. The limp never went away. After a week of limping and some coercing by my husband I decided to take her back to the doctor. I knew the routine, take an X-ray, nothing shows, do nothing. But I went anyways to ease is mind. 

~Target shopping~

Friday June 22nd. I got a last minute appointment and had the babysitter meet us there. That day we were at our regular pediatrician. He wanted to get an X-ray and then I brought up the fevers again. I told him I wanted an order for blood work to rule anything else out because I felt it was strange that she kept getting them. He said that would be fine, but to wait and see what the X-ray showed. The funny thing is the doctor then proceeded to ask me if there was any type of abuse going on at home, since this is the second visit with leg injuries. Um nope sorry guess again. The X-ray was clean. I'm glad I didn't take her to have her blood drawn that Friday. We got one last weekend of a cancer free world or in our minds at least. Little did we know it was slowly taking over Bella's body. I remember that weekend. We went to Target, played out back in the girls play pool, we talked about how pale she was looking, I even joked with Leo about her having cancer. We were just a family, doing normal things.

~Waiting for her blood draw~

Monday, June 23. I really really really did not want to take her to get her blood drawn. What sane mother would want to take their 2 1/2 year old to do that. With a gut feeling and some persistence from a friend I did it. It wasn't as awful as I thought it would be and we made it out unscathed. I waited for a call to come in around 7 like it normally does that says all looks good. No call came, but I didn't think anything of it until my phone rang at 3am that would forever change our lives as we knew them.

~So brave~

Be aware. Know the signs. Be an advocate for your child. If you think something isn't right, say something. Even if you are wrong, you are better safe than sorry. Knowing these things can save a life. Possibly even your child's. Don't let your child be misdiagnosed.

~1st Bone Marrow Biopsy~

On a side note. To look back at these pictures to find the ones right before diagnosis is probably one of the hardest things to do. Looking back and seeing a healthy looking, happy child, who in just a few days life was changed so drastically is awful. It literally hurts my heart to look at them. She has changed so much in just a short 6 months. Cancer has made her experience things no child should ever have to. It has aged her so much. When I look at her now she looks so grown up. So much more than she did before diagnosis.


"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything flows from it." ~Proverbs 4:23

Christmas

I am so thankful that Bella is doing well with this phase. She has flown through it with flying colors. Always having wonderful counts and an attitude of some sort. Sometimes good, sometimes sassy and sometimes bad. I'm just glad she has one to get through this difficult journey that we are on. She just finished up her last scheduled inpatient stay, so if we end up back there it will be for a fever or a virus. This stay was luckily very uneventful. Our friend Gabby (same age & diagnosis as Bella) were inpatient with us, so it was nice for the girls to be able to play and walk the halls together. We also had another visitor, Brianne who is 7 and also has the same diagnosis as Bella. She gave Bella the cutest hat for Christmas. On top of the methotrexate, Bella also got her monthly dose of Ivig and pentamidine. Because of those transfusions we got discharged a little late and didn't make it home till around 6pm. 

~Smelling the flowers~

The weekend was uneventful and that's always a good thing these days. Monday Bella had a clinic visit and an ECHO. The ECHO is to check her heart to make sure it is all in perfect working order. The chemo called doxorubicin can damage the heart so they need a baseline before giving this drug to her. Counts were a little low with ANC only at 650, so they wanted us to come back in Friday before the holiday weekend.

~Checking in for her ECHO~

On Friday her ANC was up to 950. Yay! Just in time for Christmas. All weekend I read about other cancer kids with fevers and ending up inpatient on Christmas. We were so lucky that we had an uneventful holiday and we weren't even on fever watch.

~Clinic Visit~

This year Bella and Gabbi scored big. On Christmas Eve, they received big present #1. The train table. Story behind this is whenever we go to the pediatricians office all Bella wants to do is play with the train table. For obvious reasons (GERMS) I never let her play with it anymore. So we got her one from home. Needless to say, they love it!

~Setting up the train table~

Christmas Day was great, if you don't factor in that Bella didn't even fall asleep until 2:30 am. Not sure why that was. We even gave her some sleeping medicine that obviously didn't help.  I'm almost positive it has the opposite affect on her. By 11 she was up opening presents. She was so into Christmas this year, it was fun for the whole family. I can't wait until next year to do Elf on the Shelf :)

~The Christmas Tree~

~She loves Santa~

~Enjoying their santa hats from Boxes of Love~

They also received their 2nd big present, a dollhouse handmade by Mania (grandma)! Last year before Bella was diagnosed we bought this dollhouse hoping to give it to her for her 3rd birthday, but that project was put on the back burner due to her diagnosis, so she received it for Christmas instead.

~The finished product~

~Loves her doll house~

~Gabbi  & Bella enjoying their house~

 Bella's next appointment is December 31st for counts. If they are good, then we start her last round of chemo in the front line treatment (YAY). I cannot wait to start maintenance, its bound to be better than the front line treatment was to us. But yet I am so afraid of this next phase. It's supposed to be almost as bad as induction and you all know how induction was for us. It only consisted of 36 days inpatient with 2 central line infections, a fisher and very low counts. It doesn't help that I have been following a little boy's story who has the same diagnosis as Bella who was in the second half of delayed intensification, got a cold that turned into pneumonia that put him in the ICU where he is to this day and they don't know if he will ever make it out. To say I'm scared to death is lying. I'm scared of Bella's death. I also know in order to get her better we must go through it to get over it. It doesn't help that this year Leo's Christmas party is in Vegas. On one hand I cannot freaking wait to go!!! I need a vacation sooooo bad. But then on the other I am freaking out inside. I have only ever left Bella for 1 night and that was before she was diagnosed. She will be 2 weeks into this phase and my mind will not stop with the what ifs. My mom will be watching the girls and I know everything will be fine. Vegas is a short flight away with many, many flights in and out a day. But I can't stop myself from being a nervous wreck. I just hope I can enjoy myself while I'm there. January 12 here we come!

~Loving the outside~

Sunday we have another photo shoot. This time with The Gold Hope Project. I feel that documenting this journey is so important as you never know when your time will be cut short and I want to have all the memories. We also heard from Make-a-Wish and we will be meeting with them on January 5th. I'm pretty sure Bella had decided on Mickey Mouse's house (Disney land or world.) How she learned to refer to it this way is beyond me. I just think kids are programmed to know this info :) I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and we are wishing you all a Happy New Years. May this year be 1000 times better than this year.

~Merry Christmas PJ's~

We will be staying in and ringing in the new year at home with the babes. If Bella has no delays (hahahaha ha yeah right) we will be beginning maintenance sometime in the beginning of March. But knowing Bella I'm planning on April. We will see everyone then as we will be doing NOTHING while she is in this phase. With the flu and colds running rampant we can't risk Bella getting sick so we will be recluses for a little while. So who wants to volunteer to go to the grocery store for me?!? And just think when we come out of hibernation summer will almost be upon us!

~Loving the swing~

"I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. ~Psalm 16:8"

Sometimes...

Sometimes I try and think back to the pre-cancer days. Even though it was only 5 months ago, I literally cannot remember what life was like. I know that I worked, worried about money and what was for dinner. My life was for a better word, boring. Now I care for my kids and husband while worrying about the what if's of cancer.

Sometimes when we are at the store I see people staring and I forget why. Why are these people staring at us I wonder? And then it hits me, duh my daughter is bald, wearing a masking. Who wouldn't stare. Recently I got a red light ticket making a left hand turn. Biggest hassle ever. In my defense I was going to a clinic visit for Bella and it was raining. Now if you have ever lived in Phoenix you know what awful drivers there are here, especially in the rain and that day was no exception. Its not like i intentionally ran the light. I was in the intersection except it was raining and the cars were stopped. So anyways I get notification in the mail of my ticket. Being unlawful I decided I was going to ignore it and wait till they serve me, all the while having no intention of opening the door when they came. I told everyone DO NOT OPEN the door. What does my husband do when the doorbell rang even though I told him not to answer it because it was most likely them to serve me. He answers. It's like there was an invisible force making him answer the door. I was P O'ed with him. So anyways, I paid the ticket. I didn't want to fight it and who cares about the points on my record. I don't. Yep, big mistake. A week or so later after paying it, I get a letter in the mail. Apparently in AZ if you pay a red light driving ticket the MVD, not the courts,  requires that you take a 8 hour traffic survival school that you must attend in person. If you don't register within 15 days they suspend your license. I thought I was mad at my husband for answering the door then, man was I even more mad now. Of course I get this notice the day before thanksgiving so there is no dealing with it till the following week. So to make a long story short, I was able to email the judge and have them change the disposition of the ticket so that now I am able to take a defensive driving course which I can do online and get my money back from the courts. The plus of having a kid with cancer is you can always use that card. And seriously I wouldn't have even been there if she didn't.

If Bella didn't have cancer I never would have all this excitement. But sometimes it still makes me wonder why it happened to us. What did we do to deserve this? I feel like the devil said eenie meanie minie moe who wants cancer today? And our family was the unlucky one that was chosen. Regardless, I still want to know why. How come it didn't happen to someone else? The hardest thing for me lately is just seeing and hearing about other families living normal lives with their healthy kids. That's all I want and they have it. I'm so envious and frustrated as why it was us and not them. I don't want to be in this all inclusive cancer club.

Sometimes all the time I think about relapse. It is so real in our lives and unfortunately happens more often than not. The down side of being in a support group is you hear about these children that do. And all I can think is please God don't let this be us. Let us finish up these 2+ years of treatment and let us never hear those words uttered to us. Stupid cancer that takes so much from so many people and their families. Recently I had someone tell me it was just too hard for them to deal with Bella's cancer and that they just couldn't handle it. While I totally get that, I also can't help but think how selfish this is. This is about Bella and her fight with cancer, not how hard it is for YOU. I think that you should be there no matter how you feel and just suck it up and think about Bella and what she is going through. Its unfortunate because I believe this is why childhood cancer is so under funded because it is sad, too sad and some people just do not know how to deal with it.




Bella has had yet another wonderful week. Everyday we walk (Bella rides her bike) to the mailboxes to see what she got that day.

Even though we totally do not need ANYTHING else, I still apply for things because she loves it and it truly keeps her spirits high. I then usually try to donate to the organization because I know there are so many other fighters out there less fortunate than us.  This week she has received a ton of stuff. From the Jesse Reese Foundation, Eileen's True Hope project, Team Keegan's Prize box, Chemo Angels, and Pillowcases for patients. All wonderful organizations dedicated to our children battling diseases. 

 After the mailboxes she makes us go to the park and run around in the grass. By that time it is getting dark cuz you know at 5:30 it is dark now. Then she makes us walk around the neighborhood to see all the Christmas lights. We will hopefully being going to Zoo lights this weekend. She has been talking none stop about it for 2 weeks every time she sees it dark outside. Since her counts are so good I figure we will take full advantage and do whatever we can. Tuesday we had her clinic appointment. All her counts are great. ANC was 1400.

 Thursday she got to have another private dance lesson. Her best friend Tatum was able to join her since Bella's counts were so wonderful and Tatum wasn't sick. They had so much fun dancing together. Big special thanks to Katie and Sarah for making it happen!

I'm trying to enjoy this awesome break before her next phase. The next one is bound to have an impact on her. Intense rounds of chemo, low counts and most likely a few transfusions will be needed as well. I am just glad that we don't start this new phase until after Christmas so that she can fully enjoy the holidays being almost a 100%. We are back at the hospital on Tuesday for our last scheduled inpatient stay, but that's not to say we won't ever be back because I am sure we will be because that is just how lucky we are.

Be the voice for children by sharing and watching. It may be long, but its the truth and people need to be AWARE!

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."~ Ephesians 4:32

The joy of giving

Phew! What a busy week we have had. Monday we had our clinic visit for counts check. All her numbers were good and she had an ANC of 1200. Man are we loving not being neutropenic. Not that I still don't stress about germs and going out in public, but its nice having some good numbers, not to mention how much better she has been feeling with this phase.

~Sailing the ship at the clinic~

Grandma and Gabbi came with us so that afterwards we could go to As You Wish with Becky and Reece and create some more memories. We did a few holiday plates and Bella painted her own little piggy.  The kids also got to play in the 'snow.' At Tempe Market Place they have snow (which is really soap) falling at 7 & 8 pm. The kids had a ton of fun and were asleep within minutes of putting them in the car.

Painting hands

~Finished Products~

 Tuesday we were up bright and early to be at the hospital at 6am. Those who know me knows how much I love despise getting up early. So needless to say Tuesday was a very long day. Her procedure was scheduled at 8:30 but we didn't get started until 8:50. She woke up from the anesthesia wonderfully! Was up and running the halls within a few minutes. I swear you would never know this kid just had chemo.

~Waking from anesthesia~

 The 24-hour chemo got started much earlier then we were used to and that was very nice. Except of course with our luck it didn't go as well as it usually does. Twice we had an issue with her line disconnecting from her port and having it start spilling chemo out all over the place. I know where the pause button is and we didn't waste much chemo. But they still have to get new tubing which takes a while. Then to top it off, the next day while Bella was playing in the playroom the needle from her port came dislodged so she had to have her dressing changed and checked. Luckily we were able to readjust it in order to get it working and we didn't have to re-access with no numbing cream. Friday arrives and her levels look good so we get to go home. Before leaving though we have our photo shoot with Flashes of Hope. A non-profit organization who takes photos of children with cancer and their family.

~Blood draw from 1 of her favorite nurses~

Saturday Bella received her Peach's Neet Feet. What a wonderful gift these are. They are hand painted shoes made specifically for each child. We got to meet her sponsor and chat for a little while. Bella finally started warming up a little right before they left.

~Bella and her shoe fairies~

~Trying her shoes on for the 1st time~

Then we made cookies and decorated our tree and then went shopping for our adopted family. Bella pretty much wanted everything for herself. But after explaining to her it was for another little girl that didn't have any of that stuff and seeing pictures of her, she decided she also wanted to give away 2 of her new movies and try to help mommy and grandma wrap everything up. On Sunday we got all the presents wrapped up and ready to send off to Texas to our adopted family who's 4 year old little girl also has ALL.

~Loved decorating the tree~

~Our adopted families presents~

Daddy cleaned the yard while mommy got all the Christmas cards ready to send out. Overall Bella has had a great week. Except for some mucositis on her bottom she is doing wonderful. We are back to the clinic Tuesday for counts check and then back for our last round of this phase next Tuesday.

~Sisterly Love~

Many people have been wondering about Bella's remission. Yes, she is currently in remission. But that does not mean that this journey is over by any means. Leukemia has the longest treatment time vs any other type of cancer. With boys being in treatment for 3.5 years and girls at 2.5 years. Boy are longer because leukemia cells can hide in their testicles.  And the reason why the treatment is so long is because the little buggers called Leukemia is known to hide out for a very long time before making its appearance.

~Looking so Sweet & Innocent~

I also know people have been asking why we are now watermarking our photos. Unfortunately there are people out there who like to pretend they or someone they know has cancer, either to get money or what I am not sure. It is very sad but it happens and we do not want any of Bella's images floating around without our consent and people using them to raise money on her behalf without our knowledge.

~Showing Gabbi her turtle~

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him." ~Psalm 28:7

5 months crap-a-versary

It's been 5 months today since our world was turned upside down. It seems like just yesterday Leo and I were discussing how pale she looked the Sunday before we got the call. How I jokingly said to Leo "what if she has cancer?" Not knowing that only a short 24 hours later would we find out the she did indeed have cancer. But then it seems like forever ago since I saw my little girls carefree smile. I can't even remember what it looked like before it was tainted with cancer, doctors, nurses, pokes and chemo. I don't even remember what our life was like before. When she hears me talking about a doctor, any doctor she immediately starts questioning me if she has to get a poke. When I tell her no (because I do alot if she doesn't have to get her finger poked) she asks if they are gonna poke her port. What 3 year old should know this? NONE! When I again tell her no she continues asking me like 20 times to make sure that we are indeed not getting any pokes. Now if she does have to get a poke or have her port accessed, I do not lie, but I really wish I could.

~Loves her hats~

 In just 5 months, our life has done a complete 180. I can tell you what I do remember. I remember getting the call at 3am. I remember the pajamas she was wearing. Green and blue froggy's. She hasn't worn em since that day and I doubt she ever will again. I doubt Gabbi will wear them either. It brings back to many memories. I remember loading the kids in the car debating which hospital to take her too. I remember calling Leo, my mom and sister. Making plans for all of them to meet at the hospital. Leo flying, my mom driving 3 hours from Show Low and Jess from Peoria. I remember every nurse she has ever had. Out of these 5 months we have spent 50 days in the hospital. That is 49 more days that I have spent away from Gabbi vs Bella. Poor Gabbi. At times I'm really glad she is a baby so she doesn't quite understand. But then I think, she is only a baby! I am missing out on so much. It sucks to be torn. But I know I'm doing what's right it's just hard to have to choose.

~Showing off her hat~

 In these 5 months, Bella has had 8 blood and 7 platelets transfusions. 4 IVIG and 1 albumin transfusion. A major surgery. 8 Spinal taps and 4 bone marrow aspirations with anesthesia. 3 ct scans. An EKG. 3 X-rays. 2 ultrasounds. More labs and antibiotics then I can even keep count of anymore. 8 different types of chemo. And we aren't even half way through treatment yet. Lets just all hope and pray that when we reach maintenance (which we are predicting will be in early April) that we will have minimal issues and she can live somewhat like a normal kid. Just one who takes chemo on a daily basis for a few years. Its funny when I go back and read the blogs I have wrote. It seems like such a long time ago and it doesn't even feel like I wrote them. I read them and I think this couldn't possibly be what happened to us, what is going on in our daily lives. And then I see my mistakes. Medical terms I had written. That I was still learning, that I wrote down wrong.  Like the difference between red and white blood cells. And accessing her port vs reactivating. All the things I now will never forget or get confused again in, these 5 short months.

~Playing outside~

 Bella is doing really well this week. Playing, eating, drinking, not behaving. All normal 3 year old behavior. We love seeing her so happy, but we know that right below the surface is the cancer and things can change in the blink of an eye. Thanksgiving was uneventful. We stayed home and cooked a turkey with the girls as a family. We didn't want to risk anyone getting sick by going to anyone else's house.

~The girls enjoying Thanksgiving~

 This will probably be the same for Christmas. We just can't risk it right now when she is still in front line treatment. This year though Bella has really begun showing interest in all things Christmas! She loves all the lights, asking constantly to bake cookies and decorate them, and really loved creating her own gingerbread house. We will decorate the tree next weekend after this inpatient stay. No real ones anymore because they aren't safe. The standing water creates mold and are super dangerous to Bella. If her counts continue to be good, we will try visiting the Zoo lights. We went last year but I think this year she will thoroughly enjoy it all the more.

~Bella's Gingerbread House~

 We head to the clinic at 3pm today for counts check. If she clears we will be at the hospital bright and early Tuesday morning at 7am for another Lumbar Puncture and the start of her 3rd round of 24 hour high dose methotrexate. Let's pray she passes the chemo just as well as the other 2 times and handles the anesthesia just as well.

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." -Romans 12:12 

~She LOVES to paint nails especially daddy's ~

Control freak or cancer freak

Sometimes I feel like a broken record but I cannot stress this enough. I hate cancer. I do. I hate what it has done to me. Some days are great and other days are awful. And the bad days, they hit me out of the blue. I notice myself getting more angry over stupid, insignificant things. My poor husband and mom. I snap at them over the stupidest things. And when I'm doing it, I know how stupid it is but I can't stop myself. It's kind of like Bella. She needs to have some control in her life too. Like choosing what band aid or what shoes to wear.  All the control we once had in our lives have been ripped from us, so now we look for control in other things. Now I'm not saying I wasn't always a control freak before cuz I was, just not nearly as bad. But now it seems I HAVE to control things. Especially things with Bella. We have had so many miss communications lately with the doctors, I almost feel like I should start writing my own orders. The doctors and nurses may have a job to do but this our lives and we can't afford any mistakes. I take care of only Bella and the doctors have 100's of other patients, so I do try and control what is done to her and for her. I know all that I can know about Bella and her treatment and I continue to learn, because knowledge is power and I feel like as a parent I should know what is going on with her, what drugs she is taking and what side effects she can encounter. I don't like when they don't tell us everything. Even if it is a slim possibility, I still want to know so that I can watch for it. Like I said knowledge is power and if I have that then I can prevent her from having further issues.

~Cheesin~

This last week has been a great week for Bella. I think having her ANC finally above 500 for 2 weeks in a row has really done wonders for her. When we got to the hospital on Tuesday, she was actually excited to head upstairs for our inpatient stay. Though I think she was really worried I was gonna give away her princess puzzle and blanket along with all of the other stuff we were giving to the hospital.

~All the buddies raised from Bella's Scentsy fundraiser~

~$20 at the dollar store~

Originally our appointment was at 10am, but I received a call at 9:15 that they didn't have any beds upstairs so we would have to wait until they called us in. Finally we got the call to come in at 1:30. Got her counts checked and cleared for chemo. Headed upstairs after delivering all of the fundraiser toys. Unfortunately, they were not prepared for us and we were unable to start chemo until 11:45 pm. But this didn't stop Bella from taking full advantage of the playroom, cars, bikes and wagons all while being free from her IV line.

~Playroom time~

High dose methotrexate runs over 24 hours. While the chemo is running she has to stay on the 7th floor. During this time she played more than she has since diagnosis. We did so many laps on her new favorite bike and instead of me having to pull the wagon with her in it, she decided to pull the wagon around with her toys in it.

~Newest way to ride~

She also participated in a group play session where we created stepping stones. Luckily she is not afraid to get her hands dirty :) And then she also participated in a pamper yourself event sponsored by the Children's Cancer Network. She got to have her nails painted, make a scarecrow, stuff pumpkins and even make some thank you cards. Like I said, she was having a great week.

~Stepping Stone~

~Brianne, Bella, & Grace at the Pamper yourself event~

With the good also comes the bad. Not only has she been in a great mood, full of energy, she also has her very terrible 3 year old moments. Yes it is no longer called the terrible two's. It is now the terrible three's! Full of sassy attitude and NO's. My favorite. If she does not like something or doesn't get her way, she has an instant fit. Full of screaming, crying and sometimes hitting. I don't put up with hitting and she knows it but yet she still does it. At least once a day this happens. Its so frustrating. I know that this is a normal 3 year old behavior and I am very good at ignoring her. I think maybe it was those years of being a nanny? My husband on the other hand, not so much. He gives in to her every cry. No matter how much I tell him not to, he continues to do it. And she knows exactly how to work one over on him. Crying to him and loving on him. He is such a sucker! But who can blame her. Us women learn it somewhere and it might as well be now ;)

Donuts from the Nurse Practitioner at the clinic. Can you say spoiled?

Chemo finally finished a little after midnight on Thursday. After that finished they gave her some Pentamidine in place of Bactrim since Bactrim and high dose Methotrexate are not compatible. This drug helps prevent PCP(Pneumocystis carinii pneumonia) a rare type of Pneumonia that can strike any immune weakened person. Bactrim is normally taken twice on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. But some people cannot take this drug, either for allergic reactions, other drug interactions or since it can also cause low counts. If it is causing an issue they will switch them to another. Pentamidine is either given by IV or with a Nebulizer once monthly. Bella can only get it IV, because she is too young to use the Nebulizer. Unfortunately, we are unsure if Bella will be able to get this drug next month since there is a national shortage. All we can hope is that it will be resolved before then. Last year there was a shortage of Methotrexate (a type of chemo many cancer patients, including Bella receive). How these things happen are a mystery to me. And just the simple fact that the drugs we give our children to keep them alive and healthy can have a shortage is scary. We go back to the hospital next Tuesday for another lumbar puncture and some 24 hour chemo. 2 down, 2 to go. After this phase we have 1 more VERY difficult phase and then we begin maintenance. Let's do this!!!!

~Bella's 2011 Thanksgiving plate~

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! We are thankful for all of you. For all the prayers, donations, and presents. We are also thankful for all of Bella's nurses and doctors. Chemo and drugs. Good and bad times. Without any of these things, Bella would not be here today. 

" And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful." ~Colossians 3:15 (NAS)